Last Winter Solstice I picked up two 4 month old cats and had no idea what they’d mean for 2020. They first  kept me company during my chronic pain before surgery and surgery recovery. They continue to put healing vibes on my belly  as we isolate and wait until it is safer to interact.  I am immune compromised and had been in many situations in the past being the only sick one or getting odd virus’ that no one else got. I knew I had to be extra careful and I just got this new body that could finally eat solid foods again, that unfortunately isn’t fixed permanently. It slowly breaks like any other body but really enjoys breaking parts I rather it not. I haven’t been able to upkeep the medical needs and have decided to move to the woods soon for my soul since my body breaks without trees. It’s been relaxing to have time to myself, working on old wounds to understand how to move forward, trying new things I always had on my list, and finding what does make sense for what I want.  I haven’t been this stationary since college, but I’m able to have different experiences weekly in this small space, reducing the idea of groundhog day. I continue to be supported from afar, even as months grow longer apart from seeing the ones I love.  My friends understand time is not linear and the importance of self and community care. I hope to come out of this with more balance for shaping new communities, while still having time for myself with the priority of joy. Joy has been my buzzword of 2020 even though that word always sat with me odd before like it had to mean something holiday related or some crazy craft lady who skims the surface of the real issues, but really I relate it to the word pleasure, play, comfort, holding, movement, laughter and such now. I relate it to this because of the idea of joy and sorrow being able to hold the same space since suffering will forever be as well. I think I’ve leaned into the slowness, giving up watching shows and movies for the past couple months to have more time decompressing with my thoughts and less entertainment. I spent a long time drowning in movies, but it hasn’t grabbed me recently and it has felt like one societal drug I have been able to let go for now, but will like to go back to it’s vice on the big screen with unique stories, or new perspectives  that came through in 2020, and to share with others.  Tarot cards, fresh snow, prairie sage, tea have been a few of my go to comforts here. The past has shifted, and I feel more of a grip on what I can do and how to work outside the box, except for the medical grip of our system but it’s a start. I know our isolation hasn’t ended yet. It’s just felt like it started for me in 2019 July once I moved here, but it hasn’t been time lost which I am fortunate for.