As I transition once again into something that may feel familiar but has more weight in it, I’m going to use this tool as a self reflection, check in, and an affirmation on what direction to head when possible. My identity can be closely tied to a camera but it has always felt weak for me, where I haven’t fully understood it, because anyone can take a picture and to have the weight of my photos showing something that is worth to be shared or held can be hard for me to grasp. I want my photos to give preservation, joy, thought and beauty to communities and individuals. There is no grand goal, but it’s something that I continue to take part in and will always be asking myself why I continue taking photos.

Throughout this time holding a camera I have learned what I hold onto in the camera world. I love printing, color, chasing light, black and white film, power portraits, macros of plants, and building community.

My income in the past has been on the technical side of cameras helping Microsoft validate their cameras in their new technologies and also working with computer displays for their imaging quality. I have been surrounded by imaging experts, the people who can build the tools for us to use in our practice of capturing images. I don’t see it in the right place for me at this time but it has allowed me to work towards my own passions by giving it a financial stability but with the sacrifice of being away from friends and family, battling health, and having less room for what I love. My body is unable to take the paycheck over the anxiety and dread at this time, where work is my life. My body wants something else, and the idea of temporary is the only way to move forward in hopes I find a balance in life. I had steered myself too far off the path for trying to be independent, not needing anyone to support me, but I had become lost in losing all of what I love in life and had the valuable lesson that this is not what my life is going to be since I have too many passions and am surrounded by beautiful people to experience.

I think photos are a way to show growth, as a reminder that we are doing enough, that we are enough, and that we do practice joy and can create beautiful things together. I want my photography to be a connecter and communicator and a way for us to lift each other up and to remember that it’s okay to pause in the hustle and bustle and make art of our lives.